I was lost in my 20s... here's what I did about it

I remember the feeling well. An inescapable sense of, ‘is this it?’

The evening in question should have been fun. And it was, in a way. A rare trip to see old mates on the other side of the country, a few drinks, a few slices of pizza, and Street Fighter IV on rotation. 

(Me, 15 years ago, with different colour eyes and also not real)

And yet, I sat there, disconnected. A kind of purgatorial ennui seeping through me. ‘Is this all I do now?’, repeating in my mind over and over and over, like the sound of a zombie thudding a kickdrum.

26 years old. In comfort and good company. And yet totally lost.

I’m not the only one who feels like this at this age - in fact I believe it’s becoming endemic to a generation younger than mine. This post on X got so much traction that my suspicions are justified

Some 15 years later (jesus, 15 years!), and I’m happy to say that feeling has subsided. I had to make some big changes. If that was the universe’s way of saying my life was meant for more, then it worked. 

Now my exact solutions aren’t the advice I would necessarily suggest you follow, because the consequences are significant. Because the moment that sense of directionless melancholy left me like steam from a kettle, was the exact nanosecond I saw my first-born son. 

Held aloft into the air, screaming and purple, by nurses and surgeons, the other side of a green curtain they put up for C-section births. I held my brave girlfriend’s (now wife’s) hand, feeling terrified, daunted, and utterly, utterly alive. At that moment, my existence had true, unquestionable, purpose. Four years later, another child - double the purpose, no, more than that. EXPONENTIAL PURPOSE. And I’ve not looked back since. Or slept properly, at least for the first 6 years.

But my advice isn’t ‘have a child’ (although it’s highly recommended, look into it sometime). It’s about alignment with purpose. Finding it is difficult, but I swear just as you can feel that intangible sense of aimlessness, you know when you’re in line, in congruence with your purpose. Psychologists call it being ‘self-led’ - essentially when all the bullshit, frozen trauma states and innate protection systems get out of the way and you are… you. 

Interestingly, I saw a clip of Ryan Holiday - the Daily Stoic guy - talking about ‘euthymia’. It’s a word Seneca used to describe the sense that you are on the path you’re meant to be on, free from the distractions and diversions of others. The same principle. 

But even movement in the ‘wrong’ direction opens up pathways to your purpose. I’m constantly exploring new avenues for business, content, even philosophy or mental models. In my experience, the universe rewards that movement - it likes action and loves momentum. 

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Here’s three ways I use to instantly break out of that purgatorial ennui (or ‘listless lostness’, if you like alliteration) 

Exercise - I’m always going to advocate for jiu-jitsu, but getting in the gym will help too. Physical and mental benefits, a change of environment, and a narrowing of focus.

Getting into nature - sounds boring. It kinda is. But just being in the woods is unquestionably good for the spirit and the soul. The Japanese called it Forest Bathing. It’s a subtle shift but it works.

Writing - even something as simple as a journal, or a focused feed on X (not just consuming or arguing, but something you curate and cultivate on a specific subject), will open up new neural pathways and get you thinking. 

So as you’ll hear me say a lot - I said it to myself just this morning when I was staring at the blinking cursor.

Just start, and figure it out in the middle. 

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I cover and react to music on my YouTube channel, imaginatively titled ‘Jon Denton’ which has over 460k subscribers and 90+ Million Views. You really should subscribe on YouTube.

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ON THE RECORD  - The best in culture, learning and entertainment this week

Tunes:

Boldy James x Nicholas Craven - Penalty Of Leadership

After a week of madness, with 21, Cudi, Ariana, Lil Nas X and more, I’d not taken the time to sample the new record from Boldy James and Nicholas Craven. I’m happy to say that’s no longer the case - Penalty Of Leadership has been on repeat this week, and it’s comfortably the best album of January. 

Exquisite production juxtaposed with Boldy’s signature street drawl, like watching raindrops tap and slowly streak down a window, while a brutal mugging takes place in the distance. Boldly is in rare form which is quite incredible, seeing as he was near-death and paralysed from a car crash last year. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if this makes the top 20 for the year, possibly the top 10. 

Essential listen: No Pun Intended

As I write, Justice are a few hours away from a comeback single with the one-man psychedelic avalanche that is Tame Impala. SURELY it has to be good. We’ll find out tonight - look out for the reaction on the YouTube channel.

Podcast:

If you’re in need of a kick up the arse to get you working, then Alex Hormozi, the  hirsute powerhouse, is your guy. Business strategies combined with self-belief and self-reflection. There’s hours and hours of him out there online - this chat with Chris Williamson is a good place to start.

Right then, see you on the next one! Drop a Like if you made it to the end, connect with me in the comments, and if you enjoyed this, it would mean the world if you shared it or forwarded the email to a friend who might like it too.

Peace. JD x